The wiener takes it all

It's that time of year when the low-sun sky dazzles my eyes at every street corner and I have to walk with an arm half-raised in defence. Sadly the raised arm technique has not stopped the attack of the seasonal cold that this house is full of.It's at times like this that we need an old Italian nonna come round daily and look after us, feed us and let us revert to child-like states while she takes care of everything. Sadly, this is not going to happen. At least the children, thank God, are not too ill to go to school. Yet.Last week I eat more food cooked by others that by me. Not through choice, but through circumstance. Sautéed mushrooms tossed with Parmesan and served on a crisp disc of polenta; layers of aubergine with pecorino, honey and pinenuts; octopus with green lentils and romesco sauce; asparagus with crisp-coated egg and wild garlic (seasonal right?!) and a delicious Sunday lunch sat outside in the warmth of a sunny September afternoon with family and friends over (escaping?) from The U.S of A.Sue cooked us all tender and pink beef fillet, a Persian salad studded with pomegranate seeds, the dressing creamy and richly coating the cucumber. A huge bowl of kasha meant I could happily fill up, denying myself nothing as my September free of bread, rice, pasta and potatoes and sugar nears its climax. I averted my eyes as the ice cream, damson fool and homemade almond biscuits were passed around. I could eat ice cream until the cows came home and started churning their own milk, but for now, drastic measures are in place as I slowly come to the realisation that my metabolism is not that of an 18 year old. And as much as I admire Pavarotti, it's for his voice, not his girth.What I did cook was a simple tomato and egg curry, using the tomato 'sugo' leftover from the children's pasta a previous night, as a base. A pile of chickpea flatbreads mopped up the sauce and baby courgettes quickly sautéed in garlic gave some crunch.Another night saw me top some southern fried chicken fillets with a fried egg, some chopped cornichons and crisp chorizo cubes in a strangely tasty emergency supper. If you squint, you could pretend it was a schnitzel a la Holstein... It's been one of those weeks.So in tribute to the American visitors (some tribute, eh?), the fact I have a massive bag of cornmeal to get through and not much more reason than that I had a bag of hot dogs in the fridge which I thought the children may enjoy, here is a trashy-in-the-extreme recipe for corn dogs. I love them — mainly for the fact they make me feel I'm walking the streets of New York city or sitting in a car park at the ball game — but the children peeled the batter away and just eat the sausages. They may have thought I was turning into a the 'dangerous cook' that Bruce from America said of his mother. I closed my eyes and tried not to think of battered saveloys from the chippy.Ingredients8 hot dogs200 fine cornmeal150ml milk50ml buttermilk1 egg, beatenSalt and pepper, a large pinch and a twist1tsp ground turmeric gives it a healthy colour1/2tsp bicarbonate of sodaRapeseed or groundnut oil for fryingFor the chutney12 cherry tomatoes, halved and quartered randomly2tbsp chopped coriander1 clove of garlic1tbsp tarragon vinegar (or cider vinegar)2tbsp olive oilFor the avocado1 avocado, crushed with a fork to which added the juice and zest of half a lime and one chopped cherry tomato. Season well with salt and pepperMethodMix together the batter ingredients and leave to rest for about ten minutes.Lay the hotdogs on kitchen paper to dry well so the batter doesn't slide off.Make the chutney by cooking the ingredients in a small saucepan on quite a high heat until the tomatoes start to soften and collapse. Turn off the heat and leave to cool a little.Pour the batter into a tall glass, like a highball and cut the hot dogs in half.Stick each one on a skewer that is not too long to fit in a large sauté pan.Heat about two centimetres of oil in a large sauté pan to about 180c.Dip a hot dog in the batter, turning and twisting it until well covered. Let the drips fall off then gently lay it in the hot oil.Turn it over after about five seconds and cook on all sides for about five minutes. You should be able to do two or three in the pan at the same time. Be careful to cook them evenly on all sides so the batter is golden and crisp. Be gentle with them too, you don't want to knock the batter off.Drain on kitchen paper and serve with the chutney and avocado and a sprinkle of coriander.I would also highly recommend American mustard with these (Frank's is my favourite), and when I say highly recommend, I mean do it.Read: Christ Stopped at Eboli by Carlo Levi, the account of his banishment to a Southern Italian village by the fascists. Brilliantly and gently written, a portrait of poverty full of warmth.Saw: Mummies at the British Museum. Overwhelming place, mainly fascinating and occasionally a load of old jugs. Seen one dirty pot you've seen them all...Lawrence of Arabia at the British Film Institute. Brand new print of this enormously long film. So long there was an interval and as magnificent as it was, I think a part of me is still attached to the seat.Eat: Chinese hot pot skewers from Chinatown. I had beef tripe, fish cartwheel (?!), pig intestine (quite a little funky if I'm honest), fried beancurd and cuttlefish. A little broth and coriander coated them and the heat from the chilli was spot on, enough to be a little painful but not too much to overpower.Listened: Accidentally to Camille while trying to put The Archers on; Jorja Smith on Jules 'Boogie-woogie' Holland's programme. Mesemerising. Mac Demarco a Canadian chap. Rather good.

Corn and bread

30 days hath September, and each is a waste of time. What is its point? Nothing more than a doorway to pass from summer to autumn. It is a nothing month, back to school, no holidays, no season. A pause before Hallowe'en and bonfire night.September is not quite autumn, the dregs of summer. Not yet the crisp blue skies and golden-orange leaves. There is the promise of conkers to come, but mainly the ground is a sludgy brown.So really, the only thing for it is to hole up at home, light some candles and the fire and wait under the duvet until October. That's how it is in London anyway. I'm sure it's beautiful in Vermont.And with that to consider, here is some comforting cornbread to sustain you through the bleakness. I've added cherry tomatoes, olives and oregano to this one to give a little hint of Italy. The bread is quite dense and chewy, so is best served with something creamy or saucy. It would be an absolutely perfect match with meatballs in tomato sauce. I had it with slices of ham, soft cheese and some more roasted tomatoes. For the children, I trashily fried slices in butter until the edges were crisp and poured over baked beans and melting cheese. That was a win.Ingredients350g fine cornmeal4g Maldon salt315ml milk2 eggs70g cherry tomatoes, halved1tsp ground turmeric1tbsp dried oreganoA pinch of chilli flakes5 black kalamata olives, torn (you could easily double this if you like)30ml olive oil100ml buttermilk (or natural yoghurt)1tsp baking powderMethodHeat the oven to 180c.Whisk all the ingredients together in a large bowl until you have a smooth batter.Leave to rest for about five minutes then pour into a cast iron skillet or pan and bake in the oven for 45 minutes, or until set fairly firm.Leave to cool for a few minutes and serve.

Polenta, lobster and squid ink tomatoes

Tinned fish is one of life's simple pleasures, and for me tinned sardines have become a gateway drug to other, more eye-watering products. As well as coming in all kinds of lovely design, they make a healthy and immediate snack or light meal served with some good, dense toast.A tin of scallops in 'Viera sauce' was the inspiration for this dish. That may not sound appetising or even real (no one I know has ever heard of Viera sauce), but not being one to shy away from trying things, I plunged in. It was inky and rich, like a loaded Mills and Boon hero and every mouthful was a delight. As long as you don't imagine for a second it's going to taste anything like a beautiful plump Scottish scallop and possibly don't question too deeply the provenance, this is a tin worth investigating.I wanted to make this at home and turn it into something more substantial and I happened, as you do, to have a couple of frozen, cooked lobster to hand. (If you're not going to eat it fresh, then you can treat it a little more like frozen prawns, and not with the reverence that most people seem to attach to this grumpy bastard of the ocean.)This, with the rich, silky polenta -which I see as a vehicle for holding together melted butter- and the deep iron sweetness of the sauce is an amazingly tasty dish and the liquid smoke adds a great hint of winter cosiness. Just make sure that for the sauce you use good sweet tomatoes like these. It takes little time to make (if you use instant polenta) and is very impressive when you've got people round for dinner. Or for when you eat it standing up at the kitchen bench wondering if it's going to snow. Not bad for a miserable January lunchtime.Ingredients1 small lobster per person300g Datterino tomatoes100g polenta (I used instant polenta with a 5:1 ratio to water)50g butterA large pinch of saffron strands1tbsp liquid smoke500ml water2tbsp squid inkOlive oil2 banana shallots, sliced thinly1 clove of garlic, roughly choppedSalt and pepper1tsp grated nutmegSome lemon thyme leavesMethodCook your lobster if fresh (this should take around 12-15 minutes in boiling water), plunge into cold water then gently take out the meat from the body and claws. Save the shell and innards to freeze for making bisque at a later date. For this I get into trouble. Part of our freezer is like Quincy's lab, except with animal parts.Cook the polenta with some saffron and five parts water. Soak it first for about fifteen minutes then season and bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer and stir often. When it's cooked (and you may need to add a little more water if it's getting too dry) whisk in the butter and taste to check the seasoning. The whole thing should be smooth, rich and not grainy.Meanwhile, make the sauce by gently sautéing the shallots and garlic in olive oil, then add the tomatoes, nutmeg and balsamic. Simmer gently until the tomatoes break down and lose their rawness, about fifteen minutes. Taste and season.Serve by smoothly dolloping the polenta on a plate, topping with the sauce and lobster and some of the thyme leaves. Finish with good olive oil.