Don't throw those bloody spears at me.

I'm not sure how at the end of every day the house looks as if we've been running an army field kitchen, the laundry basket has repopulated itself as if the clothes love each other very much. And dust tumbleweeds seem to have blown in from the American Midwest.The children only get home from after school club after five in the evening so that gives them two hours to wreak Armageddon. And that's not even mentioning their ability to remove every single toy, book, pen and loom band from their room in the search for a single piece of Lego or suchlike.And among all this we need to eat. I've been getting back after long days shooting this week, so meals have been as simple as possible. Tuesday was baked potato with cheese and a salad. One evening we had grilled peach, mozzarella and mixed leaves. Another, rare for us, was a horrible Thai takeaway, which was a mistake and reinforced our belief that takeaways are generally disappointing, best avoided and it's much quicker to even just have some spaghetti with butter and cheese. Never again. I'd rather just have ham and egg on toast.The best meal this week was asparagus pasta. Maya and I made fresh tagliatelle on the weekend and there was plenty left over. Obviously, for this to be a quick meal, you need to have the pasta made or bought. Up to you.The asparagus, first blanched then grilled on a skillet, dressed with lemon juice, parsley, good olive oil and toasted almond flakes was tossed through the pasta with shards of Parma ham, cooked until crisp and then shattered. A handful of Parmesan cheese grated over, a twist of pepper, a pinch more of Maldon salt and another drizzle of oil and we eat. As shattered as the ham.Ingredients for twoA bunch of asparagus tipsZest and juice of a lemonAbout 4-6 slices of Parma hamA handful of parsley (flat leaf or curly, up to you)Excellent olive oil (it really does make a difference)A handful of flaked almonds200g fresh tagliatelle (or dry, or other long pasta)MethodBlanch the asparagus for a minute in boiling water then drain and season.Heat the skillet until very hot, dress the asparagus in a little olive oil and char until stripy. Keep warm somewhere.Cook the pasta in boiling, heavily salted water until al dente then drain and dress with more olive oil (It's good for you) in a large bowl. Meanwhile, crisp the ham on the skillet and toast the almonds, perhaps in a dry frying pan if there's no space.Chop the parsley, mix everything together in the bowl, season again to taste and serve.

Spelt Out For You

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm an Italian nonna, sitting at a table outside my stone-walled house gently rolling fresh conchiglie as my black dress flaps in the breeze. I'd chat with my neighbours, the old Montalbano and Captain Alberto Bertorelli from 'Allo 'Allo, all of us fanning ourselves with our headscarves.Perhaps not, but I do like to take pasta making seriously. It's such a simple thing, yet comes in so many shapes and sizes. It can be like origami at its most intricate or as simple as cutting the sheet into strips. And that's what I've done here. You need to set aside some time to prepare the pasta, don't try and start this half an hour before you want to eat.I've used spelt flour this time, interchangeable with strong wheat flour, but sometimes it needs a little more moisture. This is something you'll have to judge by hand. You'll get used to it with practice.This recipe is simply a touch of garlic, marinated artichokes, lemon zest, chilli and parsley. Then topped, of course, with good olive oil. You can put this together just before the pasta cooks, it only takes a few minutes to warm in the pan.So sit down, channel your inner dolce vita and treat it like therapy. I like to play the soundtrack to Big Night or songs by Olivia Sellerio and drift into the olive groves.Ingredients (for 4 people)400g spelt flour2 eggs2 egg yolksA large pinch of salt1tbsp olive oilFor the 'sauce'1 clove of garlic, finely choppedA jar of artichokes marinated in olive oil and herbs1 red chilli, slicedZest of one lemonOlive oilSalt and pepper to seasonMethodMake a volcano of flour and salt on the kitchen surface and put the eggs, yolks and olive oil in the middle. Gradually work the flour into the yolks in a circular motion, drawing it in until everything is well mixed and breadcrumb-like.Knead the dough for about ten minutes until stretchy and supple. If it's dry and flaky, add a splash of water. Wrap the dough in clingfilm and rest it in the fridge for at least half an hour. When you bring it out, it should be golden and silky feeling.If you have a pasta machine, roll the dough out gradually to the thinnest setting and lay the sheets on the counter, covering them with paper so they don't dry out. If you don't, you'll have to use a rolling pin and a good bit of elbow grease. But if nonna can do it, so can you.Roll a sheet up lengthwise and cut it into thin strips. Put them in a tray, dust them well with more flour and a bit of semolina and continue until finished. Dry them out a little on the backs of chairs or coat hangers before cooking. It helps a little with the texture. If you don't need all of it, completely dry what you want to keep and store in an airtight container. If you don't want your kitchen to look like goldilocks has been scalped you can cook the pasta straight away.Heat a sauté pan and gently soften the garlic with the olive oil. Add the chilli amd artichoke and warm through. Season and stir through the parsley and lemon zest.Cook the pasta in plenty of boiling, salted water for two minutes, drain and add to the sauté pan. Mix well and serve.